Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A backstory on Amy!

Hello and Welcome to Ask an Infertile!

I was thrilled when Melissa, my dear awesome friend, announced that she was starting this blog. I was even more thrilled when she said she was looking for contributers! My struggle with infertility was actually not with conceiving but with carrying babies past the first trimester( and even then...but that will be discussed further down!) here it is, a long biography on me and my struggle to actually have in my arms my two fantastic children. Please note though that I am a Canadian( our health systems are not the same) and that I speak French( our language is not the sa...wait, that is just an evidence. What I meant with that was that probably some sentences might be weirdly constructed or words might be mispelled. I do my very best and do have an education! I swear!!)

I am 26 years old. I was pregnant six times and have two living children. six pregnancies in six years of being frisky between the sheets. I am a mean machine...or not. I got pregnant for the first time I was 18 years old. Young, immature...definitely not ready for motherhood. I decided to terminate that pregnancy after a lot of fighting with my boyfriend at the time, who was not ready either. I was 12 and a half weeks along.

I got on birth control pills for a little while,then we decided we actually wanted to try for a baby. Neither of us had grieved the loss of our child correctly and we naively thought that a new pregnancy would put a balm on our wound. I got pregnant again a year and a half after the loss. I was then 19.  Oh joy, I thought as I saw the second line appear on that stick. I was pregnant again! Then I started panicking. I was starting a new job two days later! I went on working and kept my pregnancy a secret, wanting to at least finish training before announcing I would leave to birth a child. Two weeks into the six weeks training, I started spotting. Bright, red and horrifying blood. The spotting only intensified, followed by cramps. That night, at home, I passed a cloth that was tissue. I was about 7 or 8 weeks along. My first miscarriage. I was...devastated. I had killed my first baby, now the universe and karma were taking my second child!

It took me a while before getting pregnant again. We were not trying, not preventing. And then BAM, in June 2009 there it was: a bright, beautiful and dark positive on a first response. I cried, then laughed. I was pregnant for a third time! I couldn't help but be scared out of my mind for this baby to stick...and he did! In february 2010 I gave birth to my son, my perfect little boy. Finally I had a baby, the baby I had been wanting for close to three years. I was ecstatic, in love...and had mad baby fever. seven months after his birth, I was back in the TTC game, determined to have an other baby soon so my son would have a sibling close to his age. HA...right.

You see...TTCing is a bitch. Because you want it badly...and nothing. Month after month after month you are disapointed. Month after month you grieve that pregnancy that never happenned. Month after hurts. And boy it was long before I finally did conceive. My big boy was almost two. It was in September 2011 that I got a positive again...and after four days I started bleeding.Chemical pregnancy.I was having a rough time in my relationship at that point. My son's father and I decided at that point to stop trying to conceive and work on our relationship.I was checking my cervix to identify the days I was fertile in the month and was able to pin point my ovulation fairly easily and identify the days I was fertile. Worked great to avoid a pregnancy...for a few months. I am allergic to latex( yay...) and one of my fertile days...well we had le sex. I warned my then boyfriend that I was fertile. He did not care. and two weeks later( december first 2011)...tada! I was pregnant for the fifth time!...and ten days later, I became a single mother.

Let's just say that 2012 started sourly for me. 25 and moving back in with my parents with my near 2 years old son and with an other one on the way. I debated a long time with myself, unsure if I should interrupt the pregnancy or keep my baby. I also started a relationship with my now husband, who was a dear friend of mine waiting patiently.( Patient, patient man!) I finally decided I was keeping the baby and confronted my ex about it because he didn't wanted me to go trough with the pregnancy. We went together to my first prenatal appointment. We couldn't hear a heartbeat so I was sent for an ultrasound. I was 11 weeks along.

On the ultrasound, we saw a perfectly fine and alive baby wiggling around in my stomach. I joked that it was a girl because it was dancing and prancing around. I was pregnant, my baby was alive and healthy, I was in a new relationship with the perfect man for life was starting to take a turn for the better.

Or so I thought.

three weeks later, at exactly 14 weeks 1 day I woke up with insane pressure. I thought I needed to pee so started to walk towards the bathroom. I did not reach it. I got soaked on the doorstep. Thinking I peed myself, I cleaned up real quick and went back to bed. An hour later, I woke up again with regular contractions. It wasn't was my water that had broken. I will spare you the details of what happenned next, for your sake and mine. To this day, this loss still hurts. It was a little boy. I named him Augustin.

After losing my son, I went on a rollercoaster of emotions, really. At my check up, the high risk doctor thought my uterus looked funny and sent a request for a MRI. I went trough an emergency D&C because I had some leftover placenta that was undetected at the follow up that got majorly infected. And I waited...and waited...and waited for the call abck for the MRI. I finally got the test in June. In July, I got my results. Everything was normal! OH JOY!...still my loss was unexplained. The doctor prescribed me progesterone pills that needed to be taken as soon as I would get a positive, to help with my placenta in case that was where the problem was. In spetember, I finally got an other positive and started the intra vaginal pills. Now a year later, I am sitting here with a gorgeous and fussy little girl on my lap. My journey trough baby making is over. My husband and I decided that we were done after having our little ray of sunshine, my rainbow baby.

So...that was/is my story with TTC and losses. It is a bit confused and clearly amateur haha...I am just a  beginner when it comes to this blogging thing...;)

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