Surviving Babyloss

** This was a post I did last month on my Infertility blog. I had gotten a few questions about how to deal with the loss of a pregnancy/baby and came up with this response. This is my first time posting here. **


I never thought in all my life, that I would be a mommy to two angels. When I began trying to get pregnant I knew about the 1 in 4 statistic; how 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage. I knew a couple who had been through it, but who imagines they too will feel the loss?

What I knew very little about and hadn't even considered was babyloss. I was afraid of the first trimester miscarriage, not birthing a baby halfway through a pregnancy. As I progressed through each month I grew more confident and sure of my body and my babies. When labor started and finished on October 12, 2011, we were forever changed. I was a mother, but not a mom. I was in shock, depressed, and broken.

And I had no idea how to move forward. Not without Michael and Alena.

In the two years and three months since they passed, I have continued blogging and have seen more women loose their children. Yes, there have been plenty (including myself) who have come out with a take-home baby or two. We are lucky and blessed for this miracle.

Even through my love and joy over my son Cooper, I remember my twins. I remember and I cry. I cry for them and me and you. For those of you who have lost what I lost - babies. Whether it was at 6 weeks, 20 weeks, or full term, those children were wanted and loved.

I've been thinking if I can help even one person going through the heartache of this loss, it would help heal me as well. So I have come up with a short list of ways to not just survive babyloss, but to come away with a scar instead of a festering open wound. How to dig your way out of the sadness and climb toward a little peace.

Please note that feeling even semi-normal again did not happen over night. It took months of effort, tears, and talking. Not everyone heals in the same fashion or time frame, but there are ways to feel better.


* Find someone or multiple people to talk to about your loss and your baby(ies). This is so important. Keeping it all inside and living through the sadness silently is not helpful. Some people don't want to burden family with the tears or feel uncomfortable talking openly to friends - this is the situation where you may need to find a good support group or therapist. You need to talk to someone who you can be completely candid with and lets you vent. The pain of losing a child is like no other and there has to be an outlet to those feelings. Personally, I found it easier to open up to close friends and family who knew what it took to conceive M & A. People who loved them and felt their own kind of loss. People I trusted. Because of this blog, I was also able to write out my deepest emotions and connect with other women who had been through not just babyloss, but also infertility. It was important for me to talk to (and with) those who could really understand my pain. Find that circle or community to support you and don't hesitate (too often) to say your child's name.

* Remember your baby. This seems like a given, but I don't mean just crying your eyes out each night on the couch (even though this will happen a LOT). I mean actively remember. Make a point of doing things for your baby - anything you can think of to honor them. It may seem like focusing on the fact that they are gone will be much harder on you, but in fact it probably won't be. You will be thinking of them non-stop anyway. One of the toughest parts of losing a baby is that you never (or for too short a time) got to parent your child. This fact was really hard for me to accept and made my heart ache intensely. The only way I could feel like I was able to be a mom to my twins, was to find ways to honor their memory. I needed to carve out a place for them in my life and my home. I needed to say their names out loud and allow them space to be alive. After all, they HAD been here. Have a necklace made, create a memory book, or donate to a charity in their name. There are lots of ways to love and parent your child, it just may not be how you ever envisioned. Doing these things will bring you a little peace and help you feel closer to your child. And it made me feel good (albeit with tears mixed in).

* Take care of yourself. This is the easiest to forget when you are in the midst of grief. I will admit that it took me a while to begin caring for myself again. After the first couple/few of weeks of crying yourself raw, eating like crap or barely at all, and sleeping fitfully - try to find bits of yourself again. Put on a little waterproof mascara and facial moisturizer. Get your hair done and perhaps go get a massage. It may feel like you are being selfish or make you feel guilty to think about pampering yourself, but it is important to your spirit. You need to remember how to live and enjoy life again. Start small if you need to, inch by inch, and be kind to yourself. Sometimes all it takes to bring you further out of a funk/depression/grief, is finding something positive to focus on. Join a gym or make a habit of taking a bubble bath each night. And don't forget to venture out into the world again when you feel ready. Being around people and out in the community can feel lonely at first (strange I know), but eventually you will find connection.

* Give yourself time to heal mentally. Don't push yourself too hard. It can be difficult to take the time you need to heal when you are still hoping to become a mom, I know. Losing a baby is not something most can get over easily or quickly. I do think there is something to be said for finding something positive to look forward to and not giving up on your dream, so there is that. But for me, I realized after my initial panic and trauma, that as much as I wanted to be pregnant again, I wasn't ready for the stress. I also wasn't really ready to give my attention to another baby. It took some time and perspective to figure this out. By 6 months, I had found the peace I needed to try again. I made sure to give myself and my babies all my love and attention for a pre-set number of days. Because I allowed myself to only think of them, I was able to feel a little better about moving on with my life without them. Even after becoming pregnant again, I made sure to make time for the twins. I won't pretend it was easy to manage all my conflicting emotions, but I am glad for the time I had.


There are probably more ways to move forward (notice I don't say move on) from babyloss, but these should hopefully provide the tools to get started. There are no hard and fast rules about figuring out how to BE without your children. There is no sense in it, nor is there a right way. You just do the best you can and know that it is okay to sit in the same spot on the couch for a week if that is what you need. Some people will find solace in sitting with the grief while others will want to feel productive and keep busy. Staying busy is okay as long as you aren't avoiding the mourning process. Ignoring the pain will most likely prolong the healing time. As long as you are okay with the time required, stay busy if that is what is best for you. Just be open to another way of finding your new normal.

Because, sadly, normal will now consist of you being a mommy to an angel. This is a hard fact to become used to.

To this day, I still struggle with this. I sill cry. I still get angry. But I am healing and finding ways to remember my firstborns. This makes me happy.

Hormones/Additives and PCOS

When I was initially diagnosed with PCOS, I was referred to a specialist who creates nutritional plans to assist PCOS patients in getting their health under control and losing weight. During my time seeing her, there were a couple huge things I learned - never drink juice, always eat a protein with a sugar, and steer clear of any kind of hormones or additives.

It was the last one that really changed my world. To be honest, I had been so focused on my bodies inability to create and process hormones that I didn't stop to consider that the additional hormones I consume may also have it all out of whack. Now, although this idea is controversial (as so much of PCOS is, due to lack of research), it is definitely food for thought. I removed gluten as well as most other hormones and additives from my diet - basing it solely on meat, fruit and veggies (all fresh). It wasn't easy, or cheap, but it has paid off in huge ways. My body seems to be operating mostly normal, and I feel 100x better than I ever have before.

It makes sense, when you think about it. If our bodies are struggling to produce and process the correct hormones to begin with, what happens when we consume food injected with the same hormones that our bodies already produce in abundance? Well, I'm not a medical expert but I would think that would result in an over abundance of those hormones. The ideal solution is avoiding foods with hormones or additives, although I know it's not always possible. Finding food that is truly organic and natural is tough and expensive. We don't all have those resources or accessibility. We certainly don't all have the money. But there are a few things you can do to protect yourself and keep your body as natural as possible:

#1 - Avoid low grade, low quality meat. It's tough when you're on a budget, but the lower the quality/grade and the cheaper the meat is, the more its been processed. Try to get the best quality you can, or organic where possible. You'll have to do some research though - just because it says organic, doesn't mean it is.

#2 - Read labels (Probably the most important!). Read make-up labels, lotion labels, food labels. Know what your putting on or in your body. Lowering exposure to more than just hormones will help your body all around and make it feel pretty good.

#3 - Research meat companies. Find out what they use, how they use it, what kind of meat they sell, etc. 

#4 - Go local. I recommend going local with everything you buy. It's not always easy, but in the long run it's cheaper and healthier. You can arrange a meeting with a farmer, go out and look at his farm and ask all those important questions, and then for a couple hundred dollars buy a portion of a cow that you can freeze and use all year. Your money is going towards his family, and you're getting something you can be proud to feed your family. Your body and heart will feel good. **If you are in a position to raise and butcher your own meat, do it. It's the only way you can be sure of what you're putting in your body!

#5 - Go wild. If you like it, or can learn to like it, try some wild game. You can be sure it's free of antibiotics and hormones, and it's still tasty. It's even cheaper if you know someone who will hunt it for you or can hunt it yourself.

#6 - Only eat items with ingredients that you recognize. If most of the ingredient list are words you've never heard of, maybe you should avoid it. Stick with foods that have fewer ingredients, and mostly things you know to be food. If your crackers have only three food ingredients on a list of twenty, your body probably won't be able to process it.

Even if you can just lower your current exposure to hormones and additives, it will help. The less chemicals we put into our body, the better our bodies will function on doing what they do best.

**** Please note: This is based on my personal experience only. It's not backed by medical knowledge or experience. ****

Struggles

What do you do to take care of yourself when you are struggling with the emotions of infertility?

I'm having a hard time today so I'd love to hear your suggestions!  I was ok until I had down time to think about where I am right now.

Obviously writing is one thing that helps me get out the negative energy.  How about you?

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month...my miscarriage story

This is a post about a month ago that I wrote as a guest post for a blogger friend (Risa @ Who Shot Down My Stork).  It's my miscarriage story:

When I saw that Risa was looking for guest bloggers I jumped at the chance for two reasons. The first reason is that, though she already knows, I wanted to remind Risa that she is not alone in this.  The second reason is that I am passionate about infertility.  It's more enjoyable to talk to others who will listen than it is to talk to myself.

Let me share with you my story.  My husband and I met on a float trip back in 2007.  As I got to know him I knew this was someone special.  I'm lucky he felt the same way, and in June 2011 we were married.  In August of that year we decided to try having a baby.  I had a feeling the job might not be too easy. What I didn't know was how immensely hard the job would be.  I have PCOS, which is an endocrine disorder that interferes with insulin and hormone levels causing all kinds of fun issues in a woman's body, including being overweight, acne, unwanted hair, and infertility due to anovulation.  

I started off with my OBGYN, who prescribed Clomid and timed intercourse. When after two months on Clomid 50mg I did not ovulate, my doctor referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist, who is a doctor specializing in infertility.  It took going to an RE to get the PCOS diagnosed officially, even though the signs were obvious.  I was referred to one RE, but was not satisfied with that office, so eventually we switched to the clinic I am at now.  So far we have tried a total of 7 cycles of Clomid.  I do ovulate on 150mg.  I also found out in December that not only can I ovulate, I can get pregnant. We had our first BFP (big fat positive in infertility language).

Sitting here typing this, I'm feeling this flood of emotions.  Seven months later and, though I am past the tough grieving stages, I'm still deeply affected.  I was supposed to wait until 14DPO to take a pregnancy test but I knew something was different.  I can't totally place why, but I just knew, so on 13DPO I took a test and sure enough I saw my first ever positive pregnancy test.  I was in shock.  I happened to be off work that week so the first thing I did was go to the store and buy something to use to tell my husband our news. I had thought about this before, how I would tell him he was going to be a daddy.  But, suddenly nothing seemed good enough.  It had to be special.  It had to be just right.  Walking down the aisles of Target, it came to me.

You see, something about me that you wouldn't know if you don't know me is that I love shoes.  And I have a lot.  And my husband picks on me for this.  So when I passed the women's shoes I saw a pair of cute leopard print flats. I bought those, a pair of newborn boots, and pink and blue tissue paper. I came home and took the women's shoes out of the box and put the tissue paper in first, then the two little bitty boots that our sweet little one would wear. I was so anxious for him to get home and when he did I casually gave him the box to show him the new shoes I bought.  When he rolled his eyes I promised him he would like them and that they were worth the purchase.  He opened the box while I was anxiously smiling and giddy standing next to him.  It took him a minute to catch on to the message, but I'll never forget the look on his face when he did.  He had the biggest eyes, a giant smile, and he said, 'We did it?!"  Yes, my love, we did it.  We sat on the couch curled up in each other and we talked about everything husbands and wives talk about when the are expecting.  Yes, we even talked about names.  We had our little piece of heaven.

That was a Monday.  I called the RE's office the next day and we scheduled my first beta for Wednesday.  When we got those results back, we were told the number was low (15), but that it could just be a "late implanter."  They had me go back in 48 hours wanting to see that number double, which it did, but barely.  The next beta stayed the same.  That's when we were told it was over.  I had started bleeding around that time so I wasn't surprised.  I had to do about 7-8 betas because my hcg was not going down.  Eventually I had to go for an ultrasound.  At this point I would have been about 7 weeks pregnant.  At the ultrasound they found a small empty sac measuring about 4 weeks.  Since there was still a sac I had to take a medication that the doctor inserted to complete the miscarriage. The whole process from start to finish took about a month for the beta to come back down to zero.  I now have a permanent note in my file that I see every time I go to the RE office.  The note says, "Abnormal product of conception".  How's that for a punch in the gut.

What I've learned is that all women experience different feelings about miscarriage and different ways to deal with it.  Our loss was very early. We didn't even get to the first ultrasound.  We didn't get to hear the heartbeat.  We never gave that baby a name.  Heck we didn't even get to tell our families before it was over.  I never felt attached to our baby.  I guess I was still in shock and went straight from that to sadness.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I was detached from the pregnancy itself.  Like I was never pregnant at all.  But that's the funny thing about grief.  When I think about that time in our lives I think less about the pregnancy and more about the process I had to go through to completely miscarry.  In all honesty, I just wanted it to be over so we could start trying again.  At that point we had been trying to have a baby for a year and a half and I didn't want to waste anymore time.  It took us three months for my body to recover so we could try again.  If I'm not reliving that process, I'm reliving the moment that I told my husband about the pregnancy and then about the miscarriage.

For myself to be in this emotional pain is one thing, but to see the tears in my husband's eyes is gut wrenching.  Sometimes I feel like I did something wrong.  How could I build him up and then tear him back down like that??  Yes, I know it's not my fault, but the mind makes us think irrationally sometimes.  But my husband, you see, he is the best person I know.  Our infertility is because of me, but it's ours to deal with together.  Yet on the days that I am weak, he stands tall and strong. One day I just want to switch places with him so I can stand tall and strong for him.  Husbands hurt though this too and I want everyone to know this.

I wonder at times if I did something to cause the miscarriage.  Do I need to lose more weight?  Did I inhale too many fumes when I painted the living room?  Should I have stopped running?  Did the day I forgot take my medication make this happen?  When I have these thoughts I have to remind myself that I am not to blame.  I believe in God.  I have faith in His plan for us.  This was not our time.  

I have been thinking the last two years of what God's purpose for all of this is.  I know now that there is at least one reason why this is our story.  Infertility has enlightened me and answered what I have been trying to answer for some time.  What am I destined to do as a career?  As I said before, I'm passionate about infertility.  I understand the emotions behind it and what it can do to a marriage (ours has been strengthened but others are not so lucky).  I'm also passionate about mental health.  I'm halfway done with supervision to become a licensed clinical social worker.  Currently, I do crisis counseling but my goal is to move towards having a practice for infertility therapy.  I have a ways to go to achieve this, but I am excited because for the first time in my life I know what I am going to do. And I owe that to this story.

So fast forward to where we are now.  It has been two years and two months since we started trying to have a baby.  I have done a total of 7 cycles of Clomid and 2 cycles of Femara with timed intercourse.  The miscarriage was our only pregnancy.  We're currently taking a break and then moving onto IUI.

If you are still with me, thank you for connecting with me through my story.  If you, yourself, are in the trenches of infertility or loss, please know you are not alone. Remember that you are more than just infertility/loss. Don't let that one thing define you.  You are strong. You got this.

Hakuna Matata,

Mandy

My PCOS Story

In honour of PCOS Awareness Month, I wanted to share my personal experience with PCOS. It's a long story – so get comfy!

When I was a teenager, I often had light periods with A LOT of pain. I had an ultrasound that showed some cysts – but nothing to worry about. My doctor mentioned PCOS, but she wasn't worried as I had none of the other symptoms and wasn't planning a family any time soon.

Shortly thereafter I went on the pill, and remained on it until I met my husband. I went off it, in hopes of starting a family, and was immediately graced with very intermittent and sometimes non-existent periods, horrible bleeding and bad cramps. Going from my prior light periods, I was quite surprised at this sudden change. My doctor at the time wasn't concerned, and told me to wait it out. So I did. I waited it out for almost a year. In that time, I gained almost 70 pounds. It was confusing and horrible and I felt like garbage most of the time. The more weight I gained, the worse I felt. It was just a bad year.

I got a new doctor who immediately was concerned by my sudden weight gain and the fact that in a year I had only two periods – both lasting for 3+ months. He did an ultrasound and found a 2 cm cyst on my right ovary and immediately referred me to the top PCOS specialist in my city. In my first appt with her – we'll call her Specialist #1 – she took one look at me, told me I definitely had PCOS, prescribed me Pro.vera for the first 10 days of the month and sent me home – telling me to come back when I get pregnant. Well, as soon as I started the Pro.vera I started to feel poorly. I was bloated, sore, achy, just over all unwell. I called her to ask if these symptoms were normal, and was told she wasn't available. The nurse that had been assigned to my case told me she didn't have experience with Prove.ra and couldn't tell me if the side effects were normal. I asked for an appt, and they told me Specialist #1 was having a “personal issue” and they wouldn't be able to book me an appt. They would have her call me as soon as she could. I waited, and waited, and continued to call and get the same answers. The meds weren't even working – I still hadn't had a period. Weeks went by and I gave up. I called my family doctor and booked an appt with him. He told me to stop taking the progesterone immediately and booked me for an ultrasound. I didn't make it to the ultrasound – within two days I was in emergency surgery having my right ovary, fallopian tube and the cyst - that had grown to 15cms in size and contorted – removed. The surgeon who had performed the surgery was shocked and surprised that no concern had been given to my cyst prior to being put on medication, and offered to take me on as a patient. She became Specialist #2. While I was recovering from my surgery, the office for Specialist #1 called to book me an appt with a different Dr there as apparently Specialist #1 was taking some time off. This was almost TWO MONTHS after I started trying to get an appt because I was feeling unwell. I hung up on them. Maybe it was my hormones adjusting after the surgery, or maybe it was just my anger at their negligence...but I was angry and devastated and all kinds of emotions. At my follow-up appointment for the surgery Specialist #2 went over her findings. She had found a ton of scar tissue from a previous surgery, so she removed that and hoped that would help. She also saw that both ovaries were polycystic, my remaining ovary more so than the one they removed. Given that, and my chance of a recurring cyst, she put me on birth control to prevent the cyst from growing and told me my best option would be IVF – and that if I wanted kids I needed to do this sooner rather than later. She referred me to the fertility program in our area. At the fertility program, I met Specialist #3. I was anxious and excited and nervous to be there, and I was hoping to have a pleasant, kind experience. Boy was I wrong. Specialist #3 was...well, interesting to say the least. She started the conversation with saying “Wow, you're certainly young. I'm curious why you think you need to be here, when you have so many more years to conceive on your own.” That was a bad start. I felt like I was wasting her time and like I didn't deserve to be there because I was 25 and not 35. She reviewed my file and said I had “decades” to get pregnant, so I had plenty of time. Since I had so much time, she wanted me to work on losing the extra weight I have so I'm at my prime for pregnancy, getting my PCOS under control, regulating my cycles and trying naturally for another 3 years before returning to the program. Her parting words to me were “come back to me when you're a skinny minnie”. I was devastated. Just devastated. I mean, I knew I was overweight – and I also knew it was better for everyone if I was thinner. I didn’t expect to go in there and get pregnant today. But it was my doctor who sent me there...not some whim of my own. I was told to go, and go now (hence the referral). And, I had seen women in that waiting room heavier than I was. She had also told me during the appointment that if I was older, she'd treat me anyway but because I'm so young I have the time to do what they can't. It was just a bad appointment all around, and I left feeling very confused and unsure.

I was scheduled for a follow-up with Specialist #2 so I just waited for that appointment and figured we'd discuss the fertility program's response at that appointment – but when I arrived, I was informed by the receptionist that Specialist #2 had gone into early labour and had her baby over the weekend, and so I'd be seeing her replacement...Specialist #4. At this point, I was ready to throw in the towel. No one seemed to be on the same page, no one seemed to even stick around, and I still had never been tested for anything – no blood work, nothing! I was extremely frustrated with the medical system and feeling very much let down...and I was still very unsure of my diagnosis, what it meant, and what exactly had happened so far.

Thankfully, Specialist #4 turned out to be a breath of fresh air. He was a fresh-out-of-school young, handsome male doctor and when he walked in the room, my first thought was are you kidding me? I get some KID taking care of me? A man – who can't possibly understand?? However, he turned out to be one of the best doctors I've ever had. He asked me a couple questions and I suddenly burst into tears. I told him about the fertility program and her cold response, and the previous doctors, and how I still didn't even really know what PCOS was or what it meant for me, and I just sobbed and sobbed. He just sat there, looking surprised but handing me kleenex and actually listening to everything I said. When I stopped crying I sat there mopping my face up, feeling like an idiot and trying to plan my escape from the office when he finally spoke. He said that he wanted to start from the beginning, and he spent over an hour just explaining everything to me. My diagnosis, what it meant, what had happened with my cyst, how progesterone isn't a good idea when you have a cyst, how he didn't agree with the fertility program, and – possibly the most important thing – was that he told me he could treat me with medication. I hadn't known that going into this...I thought I had to see the fertility program for Clo.mid or Met.formin or any other treatment. He was thorough and honest, and he told me that I wasn't obese and he didn't see an issue with me being pregnant at my size. I was healthy otherwise and he was willing to try Clomid. But first, he wanted tests done – TESTS! I was so happy to finally hear those words! He ran all kinds of blood tests and ultrasounds and checked everything out...and for the most part, I checked out. I didn't have any blood markers of PCOS but since the surgeon reported polycystic ovaries, I did still have PCOS. So, we began Clo.mid. During that time I lost 54 pounds, and was very excited for Clo.mid. I only did a couple cycles, which did not work, before we make the tough decision to relocate closer to my family. So we ended our journey there, and took a break so we could move, find new doctors and decide what our next steps will be. In the meantime, we're focusing on being healthy and enjoying life...something we haven't had much of for the last couple years.

Although I sometimes wish I didn't have PCOS, I have learned so much from this experience. We're still waiting for our BFP, but I've made some amazing friends and some truly incredible women on this journey and for that, I wouldn't change it!

** If I could offer advice to anyone currently dealing with PCOS – it's do your research and don't settle for one person's opinion! Ask the right questions, make sure you know what's happening and that you're confident in their decision, and find a doctor who works with you.

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About PCOS

We've been posting about PCOS in support of PCOS Awareness Month and I wanted to share with you an article written by an MD.  The article does a good job of describing our hormones and what they do when we ovulate versus when we don't ovulate.  And you should know by now that one of the primary characteristics of PCOS is anovulation.  The doctor who wrote this article believes that PCOS is actually caused by toxic chemicals in our environment as well as lifestyle (stress, lack of exercise, dietary habits).  The number one contributor to symptoms, however, is our diet.

Take a look at the article and let us know how you feel, what you learned, and if you have questions about it.

Here's the link to the article:

What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About PCOS

PCOS Awareness Month

Hi All!

In case you didn't know, September is PCOS awareness month! Please pop on over to http://www.pcosfoundation.org to learn more about PCOS or, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

There are many different types of infertility – but PCOS is among the top causes. It's not only relatively common but it also has many faces. The disease, it's symptoms and the prognosis all vary per individual woman.

Some women achieve success with ovulation inducing medications like Clomid or Metformin – while some have to use IVF, and others never achieve pregnancy at all. This makes it challenging to treat because there is no scenario or case study to follow. We're all so different, and our experiences with PCOS are all so different, that it's difficult to come up with a single prognosis.

The other thing about PCOS is that it is not just an infertility disease. It's lifelong. PCOS lasts long after you're no longer trying to have children, and some women experience it well into menopause. It's a condition that can affect your health for the rest of your life if not treated and maintained properly. That's, perhaps, the cruelty of it for women who never succeeded in having children – the constant reminder of their infertility until their childbearing years are well over.

Sometimes it can be really difficult to get a diagnosis – because there's no typical PCOS situation and each doctor seems to have their own idea of what makes a PCOS diagnosis. Some doctors believe insulin resistency is a requirement of PCOS, while others say it's only a disease of the overweight. However, I can assure you that neither of those have to be present for you to have PCOS. Due to this inconsistency in knowledge, it can be difficult to get diagnosed and a get on an effective treatment plan. My advice to you is that if you suspect you have it, but your doctor disagrees - get a second (or third) opinion. Look online for a PCOS specialist in your area and make an appointment. PCOS creates different fertility obstacles and being treated properly, for the right condition, could be the jump start your body needs.

A PCOS diagnosis does not mean the end of your journey, but it certainly changes it. Many women go on and have healthy, normal pregnancies – but for some, the journey to the pregnancy is a little rockier. Other women chose different paths – whether it be adoption, surrogacy, or living child free. The importance of understanding, and spreading awareness, about PCOS is so that more women can ask their doctors the right questions, and ensure they get the best possible care during their fertility journey.

 ** I am not a professional, nor do I have an professional experience with PCOS. My experience is purely personal, and based on research. Please visit the above link for more information, or speak to your doctor. 

Hakuna Matata

First of all, thank you, Melissa for allowing me to contribute to this project.  My hope is that we reach many people and create an avenue for anyone with an interest in infertility to ask questions and seek answers.  If you are following, please help get the word out about the blog and share the link.

Sometimes you never know what your true passions are until you are forced into the culture of whatever it is you now find yourself passionate about.  I've been vocal about my feelings towards infertility and our story for a while now.  (Our meaning me and my hot, handsome, best friend of a husband of two years).  I find that so many more people care about us than I really knew of previously.  I mean, I knew we had friends and family that "care", but now I know who really cares.  I tell them, don't tiptoe around things that may be hard for us to hear, like someone else getting pregnant. I say, if you are confused about what to say to me, don't ask everyone else what you should say, ask me what would be helpful.  Now that we've been at this for some time, I have a lot of people thinking of us and asking how we are and what's going on.  Where am I at in a cycle? When have I peed on a stick? How long before old aunt flow arrives?  I realize not everybody is that comfortable talking about these personal things.  However, I'll tell you exactly why I am.  Because in December, after a year and a half of ttc (I have pcos), when we got our very first and only bfp and our very first miscarriage, I realized we were never alone.  At my godson's christening, when we didn't know still if our bfp would stick, I cried.  I held that sweet baby boy, my cousins on either side of me holding my hands, I cried, and then I smiled.  And at Christmas, when we showed up in our pajamas and just sobbed and sobbed, twenty plus arms of love were embracing us.  And we actually managed to enjoy Christmas.

It's been two years of ttc, including a total of 7 rounds of Clomid and two rounds of Femara.  I'm also on Metformin 1500mg.  We are about to start our last month of trying by way of old fashioned intercourse before we add IUI to our list of things tried.  It's about to get much more complicated, inconvenient, and costly.  When we get that next bfp, people will know right away.  We won't wait to tell because people are what got us through the last two years.

Passion.  There's that word again.  I know a lot about infertility. I'm also passionate about mental health.  I'm halfway to being licensed to practice therapy.   I read a lot, I ask a lot of questions, I learn as much as my brain can absorb.  I don't know everything, but I know a great deal.  And I'm passionate about paying it forward.  Blogging is a form of self preservation for me.  And Ask An Infertile is hopefully going to serve the same purpose for others.

Here's my blog:  www.auntmimi2010.blogspot.com
And my Facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/HakunaMatataSurvivingInfertility

Hi Everyone!

Hi There,

I'm Rachel, and author of A Little Bit More. I'm 26 years old, and my husband is 27 and we've been married two wonderful years. We've been TTC for 3 years, since I was 23. You'd think, with age on our side, having children would be easy! Not so much.

I was officially diagnosed with PCOS in January of 2011 but it was suspected for quite some time before that. In our time TTC we've have many assisted cycles as well as many, many natural. Our assisted cycles were interrupted due to a ruptured cyst that resulted in the loss of my right ovary and fallopian tube...leaving me "one-legged" so to speak. We've tried everything from diet control, weight loss, exercise, to supplements and prayer. Our prognosis isn't very good, and we're at the crossroads of deciding where to go from here.

I'm looking forward to working with the wonderful ladies on this blog, and helping answer/educate as best as we can. I know, firsthand, how difficult it is to have questions that you need answered...and hopefully, working together, we can help someone struggling.

Greetings!

Hello, readers! I am Teresa, "author" at Where The *bleep* is Our Stork?; you will also see me posting around the blog-o-shpere as "Impatiently Waiting".  Recently, I even started a Facebook support group catered toward couples with primary infertility called "The Missing Stork". I was so excited to get an email from Melissa asking if I would be willing to be a part of this project; there was no doubt I was going to help out! I am really happy to be a new contributor here.

Allow me to give you a brief summary of my story: I am 31 and my DH is 38. We have been TTC for almost 4 years now. I was diagnosed with PCOS in February of 2011. We tried multiple cycles of Clomid and Femara as well as 2 HMG cycles with IUI's and many, many, many natural cycles. To date, we have yet to see a BFP. Not. One. Our next option, and last attempt, is IVF. We are not sure when we will cross that bridge but, we know it's in the distance. (you can read more about our "whole story" at the blog linked above!)

I hope that I am able to help others by sharing my experience, the things I've learned along the way and by offering my support.

Thank you, Melissa, for allowing me to be apart of this wonderful blog and welcome all readers to this new community! I hope that you make yourselves comfortable and please, stay a while!

Hugs,
Teresa