Remembering Fred

Hi, I am Kelly aka KelBel from Tales from Our Yellow Brick Road. I finally found a few minutes where I can contribute to the blog. I am so happy Melissa asked me to join and so glad I am finally able to add something.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. One year ago this is the post I wrote titled "Ironic" http://ouryellowbrickrd.blogspot.com/2012/10/ironic.html.

We marked October 15th, 2012 with our fourth loss...it was one of the toughest losses. Both my husband, J, and I attribute that to it being an IVF pregnancy. We were so involved with everything from the very beginning. Each of our losses has hurt us to the core, but there was something different about this one...we knew IVF was our last chance at having a biological child and I had pushed to use my own eggs despite knowing that I suffer from a chromosomal disorder.

Despite the fact that I am in a very different place this October 15th I don't forget the losses and the babies that I lost. Each pregnancy holds a special place in my heart and I'll never forgot those special weeks where we had so much hope. To commemorate our losses I wear a chain with 4 Pan.dora charms on it. I have 2 butterflies for the first two pregnancies, a silver heart for the 3rd and a charm with mother of pearl hearts for the 4th. The silver heart is because we heard the heartbeat just the day before we lost the pregnancy. We commemorated "Fred" with the mother of pearl heart charm because it almost looks like it flickers in the sunlight. It reminds me of when we were able to see Fred's heartbeat on the ultrasounds.

Tonight I'll be lighting my candle to remember the losses that I suffered and to remember the losses we have all suffered during this journey.