Infertility and Depression

I think we've all been there...feeling pretty low because our bodies just wont do what they`re supposed to do.

With the holidays come up soon, I wanted to share this article that I think gives some helpful hints to keeping yourself healthy and happy while going through the tough road of infertility.

Check out the Natural Fertility Info.'s article on dealing with Infertility and Depression Naturally.

Remember to take care of yourself first, especially during this time of year when the focus is so heavily on families. Just doing a couple small things might make it all just a bit more bearable!

Happy Holidays to you all!

Infertility - How your man can help...

Often infertility is projected onto the female role, but it's important to remember that - even if your partner doesn't have male factor infertility - there are always things he can do to help.

* There is much debate about whether or not any of these factors actually increase infertility in men. Some studies say yes, others say no. I say it's worth a shot - and it can't hurt!

#1 - Protect your swim team! Keep "manland" to a normal body temperature, stay away from hot environments - like hot tubs or even hot baths. Try looser under garments to keep the air a-flowing through those hot spots and try not to rest laptops or cell phones in your lap.

#2 - Drink and Smoke Less. I'm not going to say quit, because to be honest - that's your call. But the less you consume, the healthier you'll be. This includes drugs.

#3 - Have lots of sex! Every couple of days will ensure a constant supply of sperm in her body - just in case she ovulates earlier than expected.

#4 - Say "no" to lube! Or...choose wisely. Some lubes have sperm killing features - which doesn't really work with trying to concieve. So if you have to use it, make sure you find one intended for TTC.

#5 - Limit exposure to chemicals. The fewer chemicals in your body, the healthier you'll be. Pesticides have been shown to reduce fertility, so if your partner works with them in farming or landscaping, wearing gloves or a mask might be a good idea!

#6 - Exercise! Working out keeps your body in tip top shape, and helps your systems to work smoothly. A healthy body = healthy sperm (with the exception of certain diseases).

#7 - Relax. Stress affects both female and male fertility. Relax, find fertility friendly ways to de-stress and try to enjoy the process.

* Please note this isn't based on any professional expertise. It is just based on personal experience. Each case of infertility is unique, and you should speak to you healthcare professional about what you can do to increase your fertility.

Hormones/Additives and PCOS

When I was initially diagnosed with PCOS, I was referred to a specialist who creates nutritional plans to assist PCOS patients in getting their health under control and losing weight. During my time seeing her, there were a couple huge things I learned - never drink juice, always eat a protein with a sugar, and steer clear of any kind of hormones or additives.

It was the last one that really changed my world. To be honest, I had been so focused on my bodies inability to create and process hormones that I didn't stop to consider that the additional hormones I consume may also have it all out of whack. Now, although this idea is controversial (as so much of PCOS is, due to lack of research), it is definitely food for thought. I removed gluten as well as most other hormones and additives from my diet - basing it solely on meat, fruit and veggies (all fresh). It wasn't easy, or cheap, but it has paid off in huge ways. My body seems to be operating mostly normal, and I feel 100x better than I ever have before.

It makes sense, when you think about it. If our bodies are struggling to produce and process the correct hormones to begin with, what happens when we consume food injected with the same hormones that our bodies already produce in abundance? Well, I'm not a medical expert but I would think that would result in an over abundance of those hormones. The ideal solution is avoiding foods with hormones or additives, although I know it's not always possible. Finding food that is truly organic and natural is tough and expensive. We don't all have those resources or accessibility. We certainly don't all have the money. But there are a few things you can do to protect yourself and keep your body as natural as possible:

#1 - Avoid low grade, low quality meat. It's tough when you're on a budget, but the lower the quality/grade and the cheaper the meat is, the more its been processed. Try to get the best quality you can, or organic where possible. You'll have to do some research though - just because it says organic, doesn't mean it is.

#2 - Read labels (Probably the most important!). Read make-up labels, lotion labels, food labels. Know what your putting on or in your body. Lowering exposure to more than just hormones will help your body all around and make it feel pretty good.

#3 - Research meat companies. Find out what they use, how they use it, what kind of meat they sell, etc. 

#4 - Go local. I recommend going local with everything you buy. It's not always easy, but in the long run it's cheaper and healthier. You can arrange a meeting with a farmer, go out and look at his farm and ask all those important questions, and then for a couple hundred dollars buy a portion of a cow that you can freeze and use all year. Your money is going towards his family, and you're getting something you can be proud to feed your family. Your body and heart will feel good. **If you are in a position to raise and butcher your own meat, do it. It's the only way you can be sure of what you're putting in your body!

#5 - Go wild. If you like it, or can learn to like it, try some wild game. You can be sure it's free of antibiotics and hormones, and it's still tasty. It's even cheaper if you know someone who will hunt it for you or can hunt it yourself.

#6 - Only eat items with ingredients that you recognize. If most of the ingredient list are words you've never heard of, maybe you should avoid it. Stick with foods that have fewer ingredients, and mostly things you know to be food. If your crackers have only three food ingredients on a list of twenty, your body probably won't be able to process it.

Even if you can just lower your current exposure to hormones and additives, it will help. The less chemicals we put into our body, the better our bodies will function on doing what they do best.

**** Please note: This is based on my personal experience only. It's not backed by medical knowledge or experience. ****

A Silent Loss

There are many types of loss. Some involve the loss of someone naturally or due to illness or injury. Some happen in old age, while others in early years. Some even happen silently, almost without notice.

That's a chemical pregnancy – or, as I prefer to call it, an early miscarriage. It happens silently in your body, without much sign or symptom, almost as though it's not happening at all.

Some people argue that the less you anticipate a pregnancy, or the shorter your pregnancy, the less it hurts. Some people think miscarriage is nothing to grieve at all, whether it's in the first two weeks, or in the last two weeks. I don't believe those people have ever experienced a miscarriage...because, if they had, I doubt they would feel that way.

For me, the hardest part of it all was the missed experiences. I didn't even know I was pregnant before I lost them. I have never had a positive pregnancy test – not one. Had I not been monitored by my doctor I'm sure I wouldn't even know I had miscarried. I never got to surprise my husband with the news, or share it with my family. All I ever got to tell them was I've lost. I sat there, wondering how someone so consumed with fertility could possibly miss those short few, precious days I was given as a mother. Those few days that I should have treasured and remembered – and I didn't even know they were there. I missed out on the only life any of my babies had, and then they were gone.

It was shocking to me how deeply hurt I was. I admit, I was one of those people who thought if you didn't know you were pregnant it couldn't hurt that bad. But I was wrong. Being in throes of infertility, every second of my life was consumed with trying to get pregnant, or fantasies of actually getting pregnant. I had dreams and plans and wishes for my future children. I had names picked out and nursery themes planned. Then, when I found out their precious lives had come and gone without my notice, I was devastated. As time went on and I began to realize I may never have a living child, I was even more devastated. Though time has lessened my pain, it is not gone. It will never be gone.

No loss is easy to bear. No loss is painless. No loss is forgettable. They all leave a footprint on our hearts, and an ache in our chest. Some of the footprints are larger than others, but they're all there. All just as deep, all just as clear. 

Preparing for Appointments

When I first started my infertility journey, I had no idea what to ask or what to expect. As a result, for a long time many questions remained unanswered because...well...I wasn't asking them.

Had I asked more questions and gotten more answers, I probably would have made different decisions but to be honest - when you're in the throes of infertility and it's all so new, you're just trying to get that baby and not thinking about everything else.

If you're heading to a new appointment, or even going to a regular one, please see this link on Preparing For Your Appointment by the Mayo Clinic for suggestions on what to ask, what to provide, etc. It's a great resource, and one I wished I'd had for my first couple appointments!

Try making your own list that you can pull out at the appointment, so that everything gets covered. This journey is too personal, and too expensive, to go through it partially blind. The more answers you have, the easier you can make educated decisions!

My PCOS Story

In honour of PCOS Awareness Month, I wanted to share my personal experience with PCOS. It's a long story – so get comfy!

When I was a teenager, I often had light periods with A LOT of pain. I had an ultrasound that showed some cysts – but nothing to worry about. My doctor mentioned PCOS, but she wasn't worried as I had none of the other symptoms and wasn't planning a family any time soon.

Shortly thereafter I went on the pill, and remained on it until I met my husband. I went off it, in hopes of starting a family, and was immediately graced with very intermittent and sometimes non-existent periods, horrible bleeding and bad cramps. Going from my prior light periods, I was quite surprised at this sudden change. My doctor at the time wasn't concerned, and told me to wait it out. So I did. I waited it out for almost a year. In that time, I gained almost 70 pounds. It was confusing and horrible and I felt like garbage most of the time. The more weight I gained, the worse I felt. It was just a bad year.

I got a new doctor who immediately was concerned by my sudden weight gain and the fact that in a year I had only two periods – both lasting for 3+ months. He did an ultrasound and found a 2 cm cyst on my right ovary and immediately referred me to the top PCOS specialist in my city. In my first appt with her – we'll call her Specialist #1 – she took one look at me, told me I definitely had PCOS, prescribed me Pro.vera for the first 10 days of the month and sent me home – telling me to come back when I get pregnant. Well, as soon as I started the Pro.vera I started to feel poorly. I was bloated, sore, achy, just over all unwell. I called her to ask if these symptoms were normal, and was told she wasn't available. The nurse that had been assigned to my case told me she didn't have experience with Prove.ra and couldn't tell me if the side effects were normal. I asked for an appt, and they told me Specialist #1 was having a “personal issue” and they wouldn't be able to book me an appt. They would have her call me as soon as she could. I waited, and waited, and continued to call and get the same answers. The meds weren't even working – I still hadn't had a period. Weeks went by and I gave up. I called my family doctor and booked an appt with him. He told me to stop taking the progesterone immediately and booked me for an ultrasound. I didn't make it to the ultrasound – within two days I was in emergency surgery having my right ovary, fallopian tube and the cyst - that had grown to 15cms in size and contorted – removed. The surgeon who had performed the surgery was shocked and surprised that no concern had been given to my cyst prior to being put on medication, and offered to take me on as a patient. She became Specialist #2. While I was recovering from my surgery, the office for Specialist #1 called to book me an appt with a different Dr there as apparently Specialist #1 was taking some time off. This was almost TWO MONTHS after I started trying to get an appt because I was feeling unwell. I hung up on them. Maybe it was my hormones adjusting after the surgery, or maybe it was just my anger at their negligence...but I was angry and devastated and all kinds of emotions. At my follow-up appointment for the surgery Specialist #2 went over her findings. She had found a ton of scar tissue from a previous surgery, so she removed that and hoped that would help. She also saw that both ovaries were polycystic, my remaining ovary more so than the one they removed. Given that, and my chance of a recurring cyst, she put me on birth control to prevent the cyst from growing and told me my best option would be IVF – and that if I wanted kids I needed to do this sooner rather than later. She referred me to the fertility program in our area. At the fertility program, I met Specialist #3. I was anxious and excited and nervous to be there, and I was hoping to have a pleasant, kind experience. Boy was I wrong. Specialist #3 was...well, interesting to say the least. She started the conversation with saying “Wow, you're certainly young. I'm curious why you think you need to be here, when you have so many more years to conceive on your own.” That was a bad start. I felt like I was wasting her time and like I didn't deserve to be there because I was 25 and not 35. She reviewed my file and said I had “decades” to get pregnant, so I had plenty of time. Since I had so much time, she wanted me to work on losing the extra weight I have so I'm at my prime for pregnancy, getting my PCOS under control, regulating my cycles and trying naturally for another 3 years before returning to the program. Her parting words to me were “come back to me when you're a skinny minnie”. I was devastated. Just devastated. I mean, I knew I was overweight – and I also knew it was better for everyone if I was thinner. I didn’t expect to go in there and get pregnant today. But it was my doctor who sent me there...not some whim of my own. I was told to go, and go now (hence the referral). And, I had seen women in that waiting room heavier than I was. She had also told me during the appointment that if I was older, she'd treat me anyway but because I'm so young I have the time to do what they can't. It was just a bad appointment all around, and I left feeling very confused and unsure.

I was scheduled for a follow-up with Specialist #2 so I just waited for that appointment and figured we'd discuss the fertility program's response at that appointment – but when I arrived, I was informed by the receptionist that Specialist #2 had gone into early labour and had her baby over the weekend, and so I'd be seeing her replacement...Specialist #4. At this point, I was ready to throw in the towel. No one seemed to be on the same page, no one seemed to even stick around, and I still had never been tested for anything – no blood work, nothing! I was extremely frustrated with the medical system and feeling very much let down...and I was still very unsure of my diagnosis, what it meant, and what exactly had happened so far.

Thankfully, Specialist #4 turned out to be a breath of fresh air. He was a fresh-out-of-school young, handsome male doctor and when he walked in the room, my first thought was are you kidding me? I get some KID taking care of me? A man – who can't possibly understand?? However, he turned out to be one of the best doctors I've ever had. He asked me a couple questions and I suddenly burst into tears. I told him about the fertility program and her cold response, and the previous doctors, and how I still didn't even really know what PCOS was or what it meant for me, and I just sobbed and sobbed. He just sat there, looking surprised but handing me kleenex and actually listening to everything I said. When I stopped crying I sat there mopping my face up, feeling like an idiot and trying to plan my escape from the office when he finally spoke. He said that he wanted to start from the beginning, and he spent over an hour just explaining everything to me. My diagnosis, what it meant, what had happened with my cyst, how progesterone isn't a good idea when you have a cyst, how he didn't agree with the fertility program, and – possibly the most important thing – was that he told me he could treat me with medication. I hadn't known that going into this...I thought I had to see the fertility program for Clo.mid or Met.formin or any other treatment. He was thorough and honest, and he told me that I wasn't obese and he didn't see an issue with me being pregnant at my size. I was healthy otherwise and he was willing to try Clomid. But first, he wanted tests done – TESTS! I was so happy to finally hear those words! He ran all kinds of blood tests and ultrasounds and checked everything out...and for the most part, I checked out. I didn't have any blood markers of PCOS but since the surgeon reported polycystic ovaries, I did still have PCOS. So, we began Clo.mid. During that time I lost 54 pounds, and was very excited for Clo.mid. I only did a couple cycles, which did not work, before we make the tough decision to relocate closer to my family. So we ended our journey there, and took a break so we could move, find new doctors and decide what our next steps will be. In the meantime, we're focusing on being healthy and enjoying life...something we haven't had much of for the last couple years.

Although I sometimes wish I didn't have PCOS, I have learned so much from this experience. We're still waiting for our BFP, but I've made some amazing friends and some truly incredible women on this journey and for that, I wouldn't change it!

** If I could offer advice to anyone currently dealing with PCOS – it's do your research and don't settle for one person's opinion! Ask the right questions, make sure you know what's happening and that you're confident in their decision, and find a doctor who works with you.

PCOS Awareness Month

Hi All!

In case you didn't know, September is PCOS awareness month! Please pop on over to http://www.pcosfoundation.org to learn more about PCOS or, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

There are many different types of infertility – but PCOS is among the top causes. It's not only relatively common but it also has many faces. The disease, it's symptoms and the prognosis all vary per individual woman.

Some women achieve success with ovulation inducing medications like Clomid or Metformin – while some have to use IVF, and others never achieve pregnancy at all. This makes it challenging to treat because there is no scenario or case study to follow. We're all so different, and our experiences with PCOS are all so different, that it's difficult to come up with a single prognosis.

The other thing about PCOS is that it is not just an infertility disease. It's lifelong. PCOS lasts long after you're no longer trying to have children, and some women experience it well into menopause. It's a condition that can affect your health for the rest of your life if not treated and maintained properly. That's, perhaps, the cruelty of it for women who never succeeded in having children – the constant reminder of their infertility until their childbearing years are well over.

Sometimes it can be really difficult to get a diagnosis – because there's no typical PCOS situation and each doctor seems to have their own idea of what makes a PCOS diagnosis. Some doctors believe insulin resistency is a requirement of PCOS, while others say it's only a disease of the overweight. However, I can assure you that neither of those have to be present for you to have PCOS. Due to this inconsistency in knowledge, it can be difficult to get diagnosed and a get on an effective treatment plan. My advice to you is that if you suspect you have it, but your doctor disagrees - get a second (or third) opinion. Look online for a PCOS specialist in your area and make an appointment. PCOS creates different fertility obstacles and being treated properly, for the right condition, could be the jump start your body needs.

A PCOS diagnosis does not mean the end of your journey, but it certainly changes it. Many women go on and have healthy, normal pregnancies – but for some, the journey to the pregnancy is a little rockier. Other women chose different paths – whether it be adoption, surrogacy, or living child free. The importance of understanding, and spreading awareness, about PCOS is so that more women can ask their doctors the right questions, and ensure they get the best possible care during their fertility journey.

 ** I am not a professional, nor do I have an professional experience with PCOS. My experience is purely personal, and based on research. Please visit the above link for more information, or speak to your doctor. 

When everyone is getting their BFP but you...

We've all been there. The morning you get your XXXth BFN (insert number here) and you log onto social media for a bit of cheering up...and all you seem to find is everyone else's BFP or pregnancy announcements or parenting woes.

It's tough. It's heart breaking, and sometimes it doesn't feel like you'll get through it. But you will, I promise.

So here are some helpful tips that, although they won't take away the ache, they might help get you through those dark moments:

#1 – Grieve. Take a moment to let it all out. You have every right to feel sad and lost and confused. Don't ignore your emotions - acknowledge and appreciate them. You're having them for a good reason. Let it out.

#2 – Avoid the situation. I know, you can't avoid life...but if you KNOW someone is going to announce something, or blab endlessly about their pregnancy/children and it's hard for you to be around them – then try to limit your contact. Good friends will understand, just let them know it's hard for you and you need a bit of space. If you're dreading a baby shower and you don't think you can keep it together - come up with a thoughtful way to not go. Say you're not feeling well (you probably aren't anyway), and don't go. Putting ourselves through these situations when all it does is hurt us is not necessary.

#3 – Do something. If you feel particularly sad or overwhelmed or emotional and you just can't get out of the funk – keep busy. Find something to do, and do it. The busier your hands are, and the less you will dwell on it.

#4 – Don't compare - remember that every situation is different. Sometimes when we see someone who doesn't have as good a job as we do, or as nice a house, or doesn't seem to have as good a relationship as we do – we can be overcome with jealousy and anger that they get to have children and we struggle. No amount of wondering and stressing and crying will change the situation, so it's really important to try and remember that we don't know everything about their situation. Just because they seem to be in a worse place than us doesn't mean they are and doesn't mean that they don't deserve children. Their situation is completely unique to them, as ours is to us. Comparing other women to yourself is comparing apples to oranges, it will never be fair because they're just too different.

#5 – Build support. I know this is hard sometimes, but that’s why this blog is here. Support is critical – in both good and bad times. Especially when the support is from people who have gone through something similar to you. Having someone to talk to when you're overwhelmed or stressed is so important. You need to know you're not alone.

#6 – Be kind to yourself. Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a three year old. Treat yourself kindly. This is a tough thing to go through. You deserve a bit of slack. Jealousy, anger, frustration, sadness, fear – these are all normal emotions that we've all experienced on our TTC journey. It's tough enough on it's own, don't make it worse by being unkind to yourself as well. Love yourself and be kind, because you've been through enough.

Overall, just be conscious and caring about what you're feeling. It is tough to go through infertility...especially when social media and the press seem to put such a spotlight on procreating. So be kind to yourself and give yourself time, and a little extra love. You deserve it.

Quote: Unknown. Photo: Rachel at A Little Bit More

Hi Everyone!

Hi There,

I'm Rachel, and author of A Little Bit More. I'm 26 years old, and my husband is 27 and we've been married two wonderful years. We've been TTC for 3 years, since I was 23. You'd think, with age on our side, having children would be easy! Not so much.

I was officially diagnosed with PCOS in January of 2011 but it was suspected for quite some time before that. In our time TTC we've have many assisted cycles as well as many, many natural. Our assisted cycles were interrupted due to a ruptured cyst that resulted in the loss of my right ovary and fallopian tube...leaving me "one-legged" so to speak. We've tried everything from diet control, weight loss, exercise, to supplements and prayer. Our prognosis isn't very good, and we're at the crossroads of deciding where to go from here.

I'm looking forward to working with the wonderful ladies on this blog, and helping answer/educate as best as we can. I know, firsthand, how difficult it is to have questions that you need answered...and hopefully, working together, we can help someone struggling.

Welcome New Contributor Rachel!

A big welcome to Rachel, from A Little Bit More!  Look for her introduction post soon!  I am ecstatic that so many amazing woman want to be apart of this!!